You were the death to me  Johnlock fanfiction
by benedictcucumber
Summary: Sherlock Holmes was never a happy man, not until he met John Watson.
1. Chapter 1

John Watson had once been a happy man. He had been satisfied with his life, grateful for what he had. Those days were over, they would never come back to him again. Now his mind was filled with pain and heartbreak. The thing that caused him so much sorrow, and hurt him so much was a man. That man had once fixed John, he brought him back to life when he was numb. That man had learnt John to live, to feel. That man's name was Sherlock.

To John, Sherlock was the essence of life. Sherlock was filled with a mysterious energy, that showed itself every time he moved. His mind was like a piece of art, beautiful and extraordinary, but impossible to understand for anyone but himself. John never managed to solve that puzzle, and now he would never get the opportunity to do it. No matter how much he regretted all the things he had done, it was all over. There was nothing he could do to bring Sherlock back to life.

The fall is what he had remembered best. That one memory, had burnt itself into John's mind, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget. When he saw Sherlock there, on that roof, ready to jump, to die, his own heart nearly stopped. He remembered Sherlock's voice, it was calm, as he left his note, his personal suicide note, to John. It all felt like a nightmare. John was paralyzed, he couldn't believe what was about to happen. All he wanted in that one moment was to wake up, but unfortunately, it was all real. He could give away everything he had in return of seeing Sherlock once again, but that would never happen.

Sherlock Holmes was never a happy man, not until he met John Watson. There was something special about John, something unique. At the first sight, John looked perfectly normal, ordinary, but he was one of a kind. John made him feel human and alive, for the first time in his life. The way he talked, the way he walked, yes, in fact everything Joh did, seemed like a riddle to Sherlock. No matter how much he tried, Sherlock could never read his mind, though there was nothing he wanted more than that.

From all of the memories he shared with John, the one he remembered the best, was the day he had left him. He remembered the way John's voice was shaking as he left the note, his suicide note. It had to be that way, it was the only option. Though he did it to protect John, it was still one of his greatest regrets. He would never see John again, and that killed him from inside. Living without him for all this time had been like a hell on earth. Maybe it had been better if he really took his life that day? If he did that, he wouldn't have to watch John, the man he loved, ruining himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Sherlock died, every day had been so adventurous. He was never bored, he never got enough time to even think. He loved how solving crimes with the consulting detective made him feel. All the thrilling cases made him forget his past, all that mattered was what was happening now, and that was always Sherlock.

No matter how arrogant the detective behaved, no matter how many experiments John found in the flat they shared together, John had always loved Sherlock. From the first time they met, he knew that he loved him. Once he saw his pale blue eyes, he had drowned inside them. What he felt towards Sherlock scared him to death, he couldn't control himself, he couldn't stop it, no matter how much he wanted to. John Watson loved Sherlock Holmes.

Sometimes Sherlock thought how John would react if he one day had returned. The fear of John hating him, was too big, he couldn't bring himself to do it, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to be able to talk to John again, listen to his calming voice and most important, just be with him. That's all he could hope for. That's the best that could happen, there was no point of hoping for more.

He once made a promise to himself. To never hurt John, never again. He broke that promise. He left him, his only friend, he betrayed him. He was a bad person and he knew that, and since he now didn't have John, he wasn't even that. He was like a machine. He ate when it was absolutely neccesary, stayed awake at night and didn't do anything during the day. He just walked around, thinking. Thinking about what he should have done, that he never should have left John. Trying to remember every word he said, every inch of his body. But it was too late for that now. To John, Sherlock was dead, there was no need of bringing old, painful memories back to life.


	3. Chapter 3

Days passed and John Watson was slowly disappearing for each and every one of them. Since Sherlock's death, the pain only grew more and more, it never stopped. Finally that day he waited for in fear, for such a long time, had come. It didn't hurt anymore, he couldn't feel anything. All of his emotions were gone. It scared him, but still gave him courage. Today, he would meet his best friend and love of his life again, nothing could prevent him from doing it. He would take his gun, and do the same thing Sherlock did three years ago, kill himself. Finally he was going to do it, he had been waiting such a long time for this moment and now it was all about to happen. He felt ready. He wanted to face death with no fear, and today was the right day to do it.

Sherlock had gotten several texts from Mycroft during the last days. John's condition didn't change much, but Sherlock was sensing something. Something was about to happen, he knew that. There was something about John, the feeling Sherlock got when he thought of him was nearly tearing his heart apart. He needed to see John. The time has come. Now he would surrender and beg for forgiveness. That's all he could ever hope for.

John was ready, the gun was laying in his hand. It was now or never. Something broke inside of him as he was sitting there, in Sherlock's bedroom, about to shoot himself into probably, a better world and be able to see his best friend again. He couldn't bring himself to it, something about this wasn't right. Why was he still hoping for Sherlock to be alive? He bursted into tears and layed down onto Sherlock's bed and soon fell asleep.


End file.
